To get the gist of this I have to take it back about seven years; (holy shit, I cannot believe it’s been that long!) I am 15 with the first love, and he was all I could think about. Until I realized he cheated on me. Now I say cheated on me, but the relationship that I was in was long distance so it’s cheating in my eyes. I had forgiven him and we were still together, but he, unbeknown to me, was talking to a girl that he was cheating on me with (again.) and she and I became friends. Talking on the phone when I wasn't on the phone with my at the time boyfriend. And she was really strange let me tell you! But she was responsible for introducing me to more people, ALL states away. One person however really stuck. We will call him Jak. Jak and I talked continuously for days, texting for ages, and when we got on the phone there wasn't really a moment of silence. While my first impression of him was somewhat questionable and lewd, he intrigued me. Being 8 whole years older than me I kept my mother oblivious because obviously she'd disapprove. So we talked for a good long while.
Jak increased my self-esteem, he made me feel empowered. He in the short time we knew each other, he knew what to say to get me riled up and to calm me down. How to ask me questions to get me thinking without telling me what to think, and he also made me fall in love with him. All while dating my first love. He, the first love cheated on me again and I hadn't quite found my voice all of the time especially when it came to boys. So I forgave him and it drove Jak CRAZY. He told me that he could stand to see me not stand up for myself and watch me get walked all over. So he returned to the solitude of his family’s property in Mississippi, where cell service couldn't reach in an attempt to separate himself from his feelings for me. That lasted a whole year. We start talking again, and nothing has really changed. Then some time passes and I'm still with the cheater, my first love(referred to now on as FL) and he takes a job deal that sends him to war zones, building communication centers for the military, I think.... But anyway he had been dating this girl and during that time she sent me a text message from his phone stating that the people he was with got hit by an IED and that was all the text said. I questioned her and she wasn't specific. After crying my eyes out for about a week, an email appeared in my inbox saying that he was okay and that we could email for a bit, so we did. It was a very cold very brief talking, but it reassured me that he was okay. Then he got state side my senior year in high school, texted me during class announcing that and said he’d talk to me later, and I started bawling. I cried so hard out of happiness. We texted for the rest of the day. Nothing had changed he apologized for his girlfriends behavior when texting me, and she had wreaked havoc on him while he was gone, accumulating traffic tickets on his car, and causing his dad problems. We talked with the same vigor we did before.
The end of the year comes and I went to prom with FL. Then broke up with him a few days later. I wanted to have that memory with him and I wanted him to have that memory but at that point he had cheated on me 3 times. And 3 strikes you're out! It was Jak brought that had brought it to my attention that it was no longer a healthy relationship for me to be in. So I ended it. I cried, talked to Jak, and he stuttered as he told me he loved me and that he wanted to be with me. I told him that at the time I didn't want to feel things for him that were remnants of what I felt for the first guy, so I gave him a year. I told him to ask me again in a year and that I would reply then. We still talked all the time and nothing had diminished, as a matter of fact....
(Flashback: once he drove all the way down from Mississippi one summer to meet me at my dad’s condo. So when he got there I disappeared from the condo for the rest of the afternoon which was unusual. Generally I was hanging out with my cousins. But Lexi, my sister, and I were hanging out with Jak on the beach at sunset. He got in the water with me and held me for the briefest of moments, then we got out because my dad had summoned us from the shark infested waters of New Smyrna Beach. We sat on the wall in the sand and talked. Then went up to the condo's pool. Where we played Frisbee and my dad had once again realized that I was hanging out with some one that he didn't know and that I should not be seeing. We hung out for a total of 10 hours after he had driven 12-15 hours to come see me, and drove that distance back. For a fifteen year old. I don't know how many people would do that and as I specify this and talk about to people I probably don't know, it will seem creepy, but it was far from that. It was innocent and fun, but in hindsight it was dangerous. But my dad told my mom and I was forbidden to talk to him and I listened, for about a day. I could NOT go without talking to this man.)
The rest of the specified year passes and with one day, one solitary day left he asks me if I wanted to be his girlfriend saying that he could not wait. So I said yes laughing because normally he is so incredibly patient. My life with him was happy. He moved from Mississippi to Virginia at some point, details kind of blur, but this man made me incredibly happy. I was at his dads wedding we had our first kiss on my couch watching the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It was bliss. Which brings me to realize that I didn't know how much he meant to me until after he was gone...
I was supposed to move up and live with him in Virginia. I was packed and ready to go and the second week before I was to move, Jak's cousin was in town and he was showing her around. And not talking to me as much. Which made me mad seeing as I was up-rooting my life to make it ours and he doesn't have the decency to talk to me? I was angry, then the next week was my fault, I was so busy saying good bye to friends and family that by the time I got home I was exhausted. On the 24 I had my going away/ birthday party where I had told people to invite all of their friends cause I wanted to play football, freeze tag, all the games we could think of and then go swimming. Then I met Avery's Dad, Now known as Douche-Bag. DB for short. He looked like one initially, black hat, pants, shirt, shoes. EVERYTHING. He had that air of douchebag, and I found him incredibly sexy. I flirted and things escalated to a false sense of love.
I broke up with Jak, and was heartbroken. That right there should have sent up red flags. But no. Two months after being with DB, he tells me he's going to jail because of his WIFE. He is in jail for 9 months and I am patient and I wait. Then he gets out and is different. I wait hoping that it will change and it doesn't then he gets sneaky. I say it’s just because he's not used to privacy from being in jail. THEN I get pregnant......... We are happy and he is back to how he was pre-jail. For about a month. Then I feel him sneaking and just being a bad boyfriend. By now all the things that Jak had instilled in me had gone out the window and I was back to the spineless pile of flesh that was me. November of 2012 rolls around and I catch him cheating, strike one. He admits, I forgive. Strike 2, I see a text on his phone "Can we keep fucking?" "Hey baby" "I miss you sweets where's my pic?" It’s over done. I tell him we can still be friends but if he EVER lies to me about ANYTHING. No me, No Avery. DONE. Strike 3. You’re out. He lied to me about who he was seeing and what he was doing. 2 weeks after his 3rd strike. He lands himself BACK in jail. He will be in jail until June 4th 2013 at which point he will most likely transfer to prison. He violated his probation of five years. So he has 3 years and 8 months left. With that being said I don't want to talk about him any longer. He is the reason I am closing that part of my life and focusing on being positive.
The next post is about my life post DB. Until then! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment