My due date for my daughter, Avery, was January 25th 2013. Her dad and I a.k.a. DB, had been separated for about 3 months, and he only attended one of my OBGYN appointments. I had to force him to go when I had my sonogram to find out what the sex was and when he found out the only thing he could say is that he hopes that she is like his sister (might I add that she is border line alcoholic at the age of 19, and she is a lump of a girl, not physically, but personality wise), and that he couldn't believe that he was having a girl, saying it in almost a negative way. So I wasn't thrilled as I should have been. Being with him made me put a damper on every feeling I had, all of the time...
But I digress; I reached my due date and my doctor scheduled me to be induced that weekend, it just happened/ planned for the time my mom had me scheduled off.
Sunday night, the 28th I went into the hospital, got admitted, and settled in. The first room, the tv didn't work so they moved us and we waited for the doctor to come in. After a bit and the general check, vitals and such, they gave me my first drug, called cervidil. That was used to ripen and dilate my cervix, I was accepted into the hospital at 2 cm 70% effaced. 12 hours later, the amount of time they require the cervidil to be in, I was at 4 cm 90% effaced, this is where it all gets blurry. I know that they moved me up to labor and delivery about 4pm or so and went through labor like I had expected. Only, I don't have that high of a pain threshold and I wanted to do it o' natural! Psych! I was dilated to about 5 centimeters and I was crying and trying to be okay so they wouldn't offer me the epidural. I was on Pitocin already, and an IV for my strep b, and for the regular fluids. But I caved, and got the epidural, Its a catheter in your back that pumps meds into you, and you get this neat button and can control it, or so you'd think. No. You get to push it every 15 minutes, they told me every time my blood pressure cuff went off I could use it. And I did, religiously.
But I was numb up until like, 8 or 9 cms, then I felt like I HAD to go to the bathroom... HAD too. And they checked me and I was ready to push but they said it can be anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour for a first time mom. I told them that they needed to hurry and get ready cause she's coming, and they were like no, it just feels that way, I am like NO. She's coming. I pushed for a total of 20 minutes, and honestly IT DIDN'T FEEL THAT LONG. Then she came out and they rubbed her for a good minute on me, and put a hat on her, meemaw cut her cord. And they left me to keep her skin to skin for an hour. I had torn so while I was distracted with Avery, they stitched me up and it pinched uncomfortably, but not terribly so, but while I do skin to skin they wanted to see me breast fed and they went straight for a nipple shield. My nipples were so engorged form the IV fluids that the literally wouldn't come to a point. So the shield worked for a while and the consultant told me that I was doing fine, and just keep at it, I told her I wanted to give her an oz of formula so I could stop stressing that she's not gotten anything. And I did, I gave it to her, and she loved it, but after words I couldn't get her to stick to using my boob. She kept having issues with the size of my nipple and then she got spoiled by using bottles and I pumped for ages it seemed, I had a better relationship with the pump for the first two weeks that I had with Avery. But about a month and a half later I decided that I had tried and tried, I hadn't been able to stock pile any milk and then I had a surge of supply and Avery still wouldn't take the nipple so I kept pumping and since I was getting more out of a session I did it for a while, but then my supply dwindled, and I got really upset and I tried all that I could to get her to keep drinking and keep with the breast feeding even if it was exclusively pumping, and I couldn't get enough milk to keep up with her so eventually I let it go.
The reason I tell you all of this is because I went to a baby shower today and they asked how old Avery is, I told her 4 months and she asked me why I wasn't breast feeding... 1.) that is a personal decision. 2.) It kinda stung because I tried to do it so hard and I didn't get any real appreciation for even trying and 3.) BITCH YOU DON'T KNOW ME!! LMAO.
yeah. I went there. I just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening and if there are any readers out there go ahead and let me know about your birth experiences and breast feeding stories.
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